An Accurate Hysteria of fin-de-siècle
Chapter 5

The Audition Of A Lifetime

BOSTON – Local rock band, fin-de-siècle, announced today that they were being targeted for a hostile take over by Microsoft Corporation of Redmond, Washington. Microsoft founder Bill Gates wished to buy out the interests in the band as an attempt to “cope with rising concern over the Millennium Bug.” Gates also said, “fin-de-siècle will be neutralized and integrated into the latest version of Office2000. They will also appear in our latest browser release.” Critics complained that the band would “make an already unstable browser more unwieldy.”

Aram Heller, lead guitarist for fin-de-siècle, said, “There’s more to this story than meets the eye. We were looking for new lead singer. I bumped into Bill at party we were playing and he really liked our sound. However, he really couldn’t sing that well. In fact I’m a better singer than he is!” Of the events that led up to the audition, Gates is reported to have said, “I needed an outlet for my creative energy and at first I felt that this band might allow me to express myself.”

The audition did not start off well, however. Almost immediately the band’s mascot, Clarus, reportedly attacked Gates growling something about fishy WDEFs in Word. Then the band discovered, much to it’s horror, that Gates’ singing left a lot to be desired. Things reached the point of no return when Heller repeatedly badgered Gates with the fact that the architects that built his house used Macs! By the time it was over, Heller was reported to have said, “Sorry Bill, you just don’t get it.” Gates, vowing revenge, quickly left for COMDEX to publicly unveil “Windows 98.” Later that day, the band held a press conference to formally announce their new choice of a singer, Miranda Inganni.