An Accurate Hysteria of fin-de-siècle
Chapter 8

It's Fixed!

fin-de-siècle has uncovered yet another Music Industry scandal. As contestants and probable winners in the “Van’s Warped Tour ’98/Ernie Ball Music Man International Battle of the Bands” contest, their omission from the five finalists for the opourtunity to play the Warped Tour in the Boston area, can only be viewed as blatant paranoia on the part of the judges. Let’s face it there can't be a more international (or irrational) band than fin-de-siècle. The bass player is Australian, the singer was born in England, to Swedish and Italian parents. The two guitar players are each half Armenian and a swill of other stuff on the other sides including German, Scotish, Dutch, and French. The drummers flush out the rest of the British Isles, one being Scotish, Irish and Canadian, the other Welsh and Swedish. Let’s see anyone top that, and we haven’t even scratched the surface of song content.

The band plans to file a formal complaint with the United Nations against both Van and Ernie Ball. Judges claim part of the dispute arose over the band's alleged threat to perform Urft Power, a song glorifying skateboarding and related topics, which was deemed too provocative. Aram, who is the author of Urft Power, was seem wailing like a Wookie when the judges decision came down. Bryn left the band again vowing to go forth and multiply. Scott was last seen at Foley’s, thoroughly drunk muttering “It’s fixed, it’s fixed I tell you,” while plotting the band’s next move. Tom disappeared using the cover of his Irish music gig as a front. And Miranda was last seen wandering around aimlessly wondering how on earth she wound up in such an odd band.